Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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