jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
