all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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