dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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