I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
