My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
