What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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