My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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