i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
