I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
