Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
