You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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