just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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