I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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