While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
