I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
