just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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