ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
