you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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