i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
