I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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