i think my mom watched the whole time
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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