just tell him i said nine months
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
