I think I died a long time ago.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
