Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
