Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
