dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
