apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
