Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
