I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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