He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
