I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
