God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
