were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
