My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
