i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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