Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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