I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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