whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
