All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
