It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
