Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
