I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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