you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
