Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
