Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
