My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
