Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
