Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
