I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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