Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
