He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
