dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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