pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
