Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
